Our world and our workplaces are filled with people from broken homes and dysfunctional families. Research shows that over 60% of Americans grew up with some type of family dysfunction. As employers, we can make a real difference in people’s lives- inside and outside the workplace. Employees need our help, guidance, teaching, encouragement, love, and support to be successful and to feel like they belong. If they get that, they are much more likely to stay with us, work hard, be loyal and make a difference. Otherwise, they will just go through the motions, make minimal contributions, and always be looking for greener pastures.
I have been an employment attorney and HR professional for almost 30 years. I thought I knew a lot about people from other walks of life. But I was dead wrong. I really didn’t know much about life for people with different upbringings and socio-economic backgrounds until I had the opportunity to live with them. Literally. In 2006, my wife and I took a professional sabbatical and worked for seven years at Big Oak Ranch in North Alabama. Big Oak is a “Christian Home for Children Needing a Chance.” There, over 120 children live in homes with up to 8 children and a “Mom and Pop.” Over those seven years, Kim and I served as house parents and primary caregivers for over a dozen boys from broken homes (abandonment, neglect, poverty, abuse, drug abuse, alcoholism, imprisonment, death). During that time, we fed them, clothed them, helped educate them (in partnership with a great school), mentored them, disciplined them, cheered for them, laughed, and cried with them, attended proms, ballgames (hundreds!), school events, counseling sessions, medical appointments, hunting trips, vacations, provided driver training, and washed thousands of loads of dirty, stinky laundry.
In the process, we learned a LOT about life, love, and belonging. Some of our kids responded well and have prospered. Others have struggled with life outside the ranch. But we like to think they are all better off from having been at the boys’ ranch. I know that we are.
The lessons we learned and taught at the ranch translate well into the business world. Click To TweetMany of our employees come from the same type of environment as the children we helped raise. And that lack of stability early in life has a lasting impact. Here are a few lessons we learned that are worth sharing. Perhaps they can help you in your leadership journey.
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- You don’t really know people until you get to know them- Everyone does not think like you do (in fact, very few do). Don’t stereotype or prejudge. Go to them and seek to understand how they see the world. You’ll be surprised at how differently people view things. Each person’s unique history provides an inimitable life perspective. Understanding a person’s background, values and worldview helps build bridges that will make you more effective as a leader and them as an employee.
- Rules without relationships are meaningless– Rule enforcement and management directives without relationships usually result in resentment. It is important to develop real relationships with the people you manage. Otherwise, you will be in a constant battle to enforce workplace rules and it will be difficult to persuade employees to perform challenging tasks. Relationship always trumps rules.
- Set boundaries and stick with them. How you start offsets the course for the future. Like cattle, it is human nature to look for the holes in the fences and test the boundaries. Employees want to know where the boundaries are. Set the boundaries and close the gaps. You can lighten up once trust is established.
- Teach them not to be a victim and a finger–pointer– It is easy to claim “victimhood” and blame shortcomings on the past and on others. Employees must understand that they control their own destiny and that they cannot allow the past to drag them down. Encourage them to be chain breakers, victors, change-makers. Direct them to community or company resources if they have difficulty overcoming past trauma or experiences. Don’t allow employees to make excuses based on the actions of others. Help them stay focused on the things they can control.
- First Impressions are critical- People need to understand that, if they really want to succeed, they need to look and act the part. I am not talking about stereotypes, but a clean, positive look makes a huge difference to others and will often set the tone for their future interactions. Sometimes, it is a matter of facial expression and good hygiene. Manners also make a big difference- On BOTH sides! “Hello,” “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome” go a long way…
- When you break the rules, there are consequences– Everyone needs accountability. If we allow employees to “get away” with unacceptable performance, we hurt them, the organization, and their co-employees. Discipline should be considered a teaching process, not punishment. Discipline should never be administered in a state of anger or passion. The best discipline is calm, methodical, and delivered in a spirit of caring and concern.
- Everyone craves security- If they don’t get it from you, they will look elsewhere. At the ranch, we told the boys. “I love you; I will never lie to you; I will stick with you until you are grown and on your own; and there are rules, don’t break them.” An employer’s version of this might be, “You are a valuable person, and we appreciate you and your work; we will never lie to you; we will stick with you during good times and bad, and there are rules, don’t break them.” And then, do just that!
- Find strengths and develop them- Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Our job as leaders is to develop our strengths and utilize them as effectively as possible. At the same time, when employees have weaknesses, we should do everything within our power to minimize those through education, training, coaching, modifying assignments, and, where necessary, utilizing discipline.
- It doesn’t always work- Everyone is not coachable, and not everyone really wants to work. We owe it to them, their co-workers, and ourselves to help those employees find another career path. Sometimes that means separation– and we shouldn’t prolong that when an employee is not working out. Other employees may decide a particular job or company is not right for them. Don’t slam the door on them. Some will decide the “grass is not so green” and will want to come back. While the grass may look greener, there is always dirt on the bottom.
- Love and a sense of belonging are more important than everything else. If employees feel that from their leaders, they will run through brick walls for them. Bricks hurt, so output goals will seem like a walk in the park.
Mike Perkins, President- Frontline HR Solutions
Mike is available to speak to your group/association and provides customized training for your frontline leaders. Contact him at mperkins@frontlinehr.com
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